I’ve set myself on a path to better health. Part of that journey has required some drastic body changes, which hasn’t been easy. It is so hard to explain to loved ones why it isn’t easy to gain weight… Most of my family members say things like, “I would love it if I had to gain 20 pounds! You are so lucky!” Sure, it’s not hard to gain weight physically… workout less vigorously and consume more calories. But the emotional toll that gaining weight requires… NOT easy.
I recently put on a pair of jeans before going out for the day, and I noticed that they were feeling a tad snug. I kind of freaked out. I haven’t been weighing myself, because I knew that would hinder my intake of calories, so this felt like it happened overnight. I started looking at myself in the mirror. I looked softer, less rigid… better. Yes, I look better, but I still don’t like that my body is changing. I feel like it is completely out of my control, and that I am going to just gain weight at a rapid rate, and not be able to stop. I feel like all of the weight that I gain will go to awkward places on my body.
I know that these are disordered thoughts. I know that I am doing good things for my body, but it is a constant battle within my own head to keep treating myself right.
I am so lucky to have support from Kevin, family, and friends. I have a feeling I would have given up right by now.
This is a great reminder, that whenever you know someone is struggling through something, it’s not easy for them. It may seem like it’s not a big deal to gain a few pounds, lose a few pounds, give up a bad habit, etc. What is easy for one person may feel impossible for someone else.
When I do get through this (and I will), I will try to remember not to judge someone for the obstacle that they are trying to overcome. No matter how small it may seem to me.